


The God Complex

by maq_moon



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Founders, Gen, Hogwarts Founders - Freeform, Hogwarts Founders Era, Pre-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7636987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maq_moon/pseuds/maq_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Godric Gryffindor didn't always have such a proud name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The God Complex

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Call_Me_CakeWife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Call_Me_CakeWife/gifts).



The God Complex

                "Okay, so we'll name the Houses after ourselves," Gryffindor said, draining a glass of Firewhiskey. "But here's the thing- you and Hufflepuff have cool names. You have alliterative initials."

                "And?" Slytherin asked, raising an eyebrow.

                "Me and Ravenclaw-"

                "Ravenclaw and I," Slytherin corrected.

                "Whatever," Gryffindor sighed, slumping into his seat. "Anyway, we were talking, and we had this idea. Well, mostly it was my idea."

                "Naturally."

                "So we think all four of us should have alliterative names. HH, RR, SS, and GG. Whatcha think?"

                Slytherin rolled his eyes. "It sounds stupid. You were named after your great-grandfather. He has an amazing legacy. Why besmirch that?"

                Gryffindor threw his head back and groaned. "You don't get it, man. Your name is like, totally right for your personality. You talk to snakes, and your name is all hissssssy. And me- I get stuck with... pfft."

                "Apparate home, Gryffindor. You're drunk."

                "Don't wanna get splinched, man. I'm kipping here tonight."

                "Just don't vomit on any antiques this time," Slytherin drawled.

                "No promises."

                "Out of curiosity, what names were you and Ravenclaw considering?" he asked, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth.

                "Rachel, Ramona, Rebecca, Roquelle, Renee, Roberta, Ruby..."

                " _Rachel_ Ravenclaw? I'm sure she laughed in your face. What about you?"

                "Gawain."

                "That's it?"

                "It was the only "g" name noble enough to suit me," Gryffindor sniffed haughtily.

                "God, sometimes you're so-"

                "God," Gryffindor said. "God Gryffindor."

                "You're joking," Slytherin laughed.

                "Not at all. It's perfect." He sat up straight, head spinning from the decanter of Firewhiskey. "God Gryffindor."

                "But your great-grandfather-"

                "Blast his legacy! Mum and Dad can't think he's more important than _God_."

                "Let me just throw this out there," Slytherin said. "You and the ladies plan on letting in Muggle-Borns. They might take offense to you calling yourself 'god'."

                "Fair point." Gryffindor sat en repose for a minute. "I'll add to it."

                "Add to it?"

                "Make a new name. Something fancy. Something tough. What's a tough sounding name?"

                "Butch. Gruff. El Tigre. Cassius. Harold. Rick. Vain. Arrogant. Smug. Ridiculous toe-rag unfit to teach our children..."

                "Wait! I liked that one!" Gryffindor exclaimed.

                "God-Ridiculous toe-rag unfit to teach our children? Well, most of it fits," Slytherin said.

                "Very funny. I meant _Rick_. God-rick. Has a bit of a ring to it, don't you think?"

                "Melvin, you are utterly deranged."

                "Up-up-up-up-ah! Melvin Gryffindor was my great-grandfather. Henceforth and forevermore I shall be Godric Gryffindor, founder of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"

                "Co-founder," Slytherin reminded him, sighing.

                "Whatever. And with a new name, I need a new look! What are your thoughts on retro? Like way old school? A big Merlin-esque hat, maybe a fancy sword."

                "I'm engraving this in my memory because I know you won't remember it when you're sober, Melvin."

                "I'm serious, man. Totally serious. Get me a quill and draw up the papers, I'll do this business tonight, I swear."

                "I'm sure you would, Mel." Slytherin rubbed his temples. "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to bed. It's past two. Shall I lead you to a guest room or would you like to pass out in a pile of your own sick?"

                "Don't see why both can't happen," Gryffindor said.

                When the sun finally woke Gryffindor the next day, he awoke to a number of letters at his bedside. They were addressed to a Gryffindor, but strangely, not _him_. Curious, he opened the post. A _Transfer of Name_ was signed by Melvin Brunwulf Eirsson Lysander Gryffindor III. The new name was Godric Partymeister Jacob Herbert Gryffindor. He put his head in his hands and wondered exactly how his parents would murder him.

                There was a sharp rap on the door. "Good afternoon, Melvin. Sleep well?" Slytherin asked, poking his head in the room.

                "That's not my name," Gryffindor mumbled.

                "Merlin's beard, you're not seriously considering calling yourself 'God' are you? I thought that was the alcohol talking!"

                "No, I'm not considering it. I already did it. Look." He threw the paperwork on the floor.

                Slytherin rolled his eyes. "You can't have done. Even you're not that stupid." Picking up the forms, his jaw dropped and expression turned to one of horror as he read. "Well," he said bracingly, "at least you have alliterative initials now."

                 

                 

**Author's Note:**

> Give us suggestions on scenarios! We have quite a few in the works, but the more the merrier :D


End file.
